When I first started writing my blog (and that wasn't too long ago) I didn't have any idea how to
write a blog. When I completed my first post, I asked a few valued friends to look it over for me and to provide feedback. I didn't tell them what I was looking for in a blog post because I really had no idea! I had written it with a very distinct voice in mind; the voice of an opinionated business owner who didn't really engage with you, my reader, and it certainly wasn't MY voice but rather the voice of an established blogger that already had a loyal following. At the time I didn't realize this and I thought I was writing to my audience, and writing how I thought you would like to read it. I got some feedback from one of my friends who at first didn't want to tell me the honest truth and gave me an edited version of how it should have been written. When I confronted her on obliterating my original blog post, she told me the brutal, honest truth. She HATED it! She thought it was condescending and would detract clients, and that I was a terrible writer and I should take some writing courses. (Ouch!)
At that moment, I had a choice. I could either sulk and take it to heart, or I could take her feedback and learn from it.
A year ago, I probably would have given up after that and I might have never spoken to her again. But after all the healing and work I've done to get here, I was not stopping over that, and I certainly was not going to let our friendship end over a harshly worded truth. I sat with her comment for a while and I re-read my blog post, and finally, I saw what she was talking about! It wasn't me. That was absolutely not who I was and not who I wanted to be. So why would I write like that? It was a perspective shift and her words were the honest truth I needed to hear to get out of my head while writing, and properly channel my blogs directly from the universe, and directly from my self.
When I look back at this experience, I feel like it was a tipping point for me. I know there are other, less personal instances where I could have been triggered by something and I had the choice to be offended by it or not, but this particular event was where I actually put it into real life practice. I absolutely know I would have been triggered by that kind of criticism and it would have held me back significantly in the past. Something about this particular event it felt different.
I felt like I had a moment to process what was being said, and to respond to it rather than react.
That is an incredibly empowering feeling.
Learning to let go is hard, but incredibly worth it. The self-empowerment you feel after being able to respond to a situation is at least 1000x better than the temporary thrill you get in a knee-jerk reaction. That temporary thrill is very addicting, so I understand why we, as humans, have a hard time giving that up, but it ends up feeling like an emotional rollercoaster.
There is some good news though, with ascension and the mass spiritual awakenings happening on Earth (you can read more about that in my Spiritual Awakening and Ascension 101 blog posts), people are starting to get the hint.
More and more people are recognizing their own triggers and are realizing that triggers are emotional reactions to personal traumas they have yet to heal and let go of.
The science behind triggers is really quite simple. The human race started out with what's commonly called 'ego.' Ego was responsible for learning behavior to threats, and trying to prevent or protect you from those threats via "fight or flight" reactions. This was incredibly useful for staying alive in the days where your environment (for example: wild cats, wolves, bears or other enemies) could kill you on a regular basis.
Ego is far less useful when your average day involves going to work, making dinner, and going to sleep in the comfort of your own home. These days, our biggest threat is cyber bullying, financial stress, pandemics, and whether our neighbor is going to call child protective services because our toddler is screaming all night. For any of those threats, can you apply "fight or flight"? Not really!
So instead of ego protecting us, it is actually doing more harm by taking these threats and applying the "fight or flight" reaction anyway. We become triggered because our ego is activating when it doesn't need to. Our stress levels are maxed out because our nervous system has no way of discerning between a shark attacking us or seeing a rude comment on social media.
Our brain tells our bodies it is the same thing, and ego tells us we need to protect ourselves from that trauma.
Here are 5 steps you can learn to let it go and feel empowered!
Step 1: Identify your triggers. Recognize what offends you or stresses you out and write it down.
What is triggering you?
Are you offended by that comment?
What is causing your knee-jerk reaction?
Step 2: Respond, don't react. When you've identified your triggers, (please be in a neutral, calm frame of mind for this) think about how you should respond in that situation instead of what you would normally do. Make a conscious effort to roleplay scenarios where you would be triggered by something, or offended by someone, and then practice walking away and letting it go, or setting up a boundary. Here are some examples:
My coworker always talks about their political views and I don't agree with them. It makes me uncomfortable and I end up arguing with them. Instead of arguing with them, I will set up a boundary that I will no longer engage them when they are talking about politics, and keep a professional 'work-related topics only' atmosphere with them.
I am part of a Facebook parenting group that always offers parenting advice that I don't agree with. I normally try to tell them the benefits of doing it another way, and I am slammed with comments disagreeing with me. Instead of trying to give my opinion, I will leave the group and find a parenting group more suited to my parenting style.
My friend made an offensive comment to me, and normally says such things as a joke, but I am taking it to heart and I am offended. Instead of getting into a heated argument, I will explain to my friend that their comment hurt me and that if they continue to make offensive comments toward me, I will leave and hang out with friends that respect me.
My husband doesn't take his health seriously and often ignores signs that his condition is unmanaged. It stresses me out to no end that he won't go see a doctor and I am always arguing with him or pleading him to take better care of his health. Instead of fighting with him to see things the way I do, I will recognize my need to control or fix situations outside of my control and work with him to find solutions that work with his needs.
Most of the time, the answer will be to walk away and let it go, or to set up a boundary. Walking away does not mean running away from your problems. You are walking away from problems that aren't your own, and facing your own problems head on.
Tip: Next time you scroll through your social media news feeds, practice "keep calm and scroll on" for anything that triggers you. No matter what, do not click "comments!" Take a deep breath, and keep scrolling. How does this make you feel? Empowered, right?
Step 3: Heal! This is an important step. Healing your past traumas that caused you to set up those defensive triggers will help prevent you from falling into old habits. It also relaxes the nervous system to get out of the constant stress patterns so you are able to properly step back and observe a situation. Here are some ways you can heal your trauma and get rid of those triggers:
Ask a spiritual practitioner to heal blockages, release stored emotions, clear your chakras, and if they are able to, access your akashic records and clear emotions surrounding your identified traumas. When you have identified your triggers, your spiritual practitioner will be better equipped to serve you because they can get right to the source instead of having to look for it. If you can't identify them, don't stress! Spiritual practitioners will be guided to where they need to go. (Don't already have a spiritual practitioner? Contact me to schedule an appointment!)
Use a journal to write about your trigger and what you think caused it. Write out anything that comes to mind surrounding the event(s) and how it makes you feel. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up, give yourself grace to move through it, then let it go. You may find it helpful to tear out the pages and rip them up, or crumple them, or burn them (safely) to let it go fully. Breathe deeply, and release.
Talk about it with trusted friends, family, or a licensed therapist. Talk therapy has been proven to be successful in releasing stored emotions and healing trauma.
Step 4: Be aware you always have a choice. Make a choice to no longer let ego make all the
decisions, and take back your own ability to assess a situation and come up with a solution that doesn't involve knee-jerk reactions. It is easy to fall into old routines with new scenarios, but as long as you are aware and you can pick out any new triggers, you can repeat the steps above to release them and move on. Feel empowered by always having the choice to pick your battles.
Step 5: Forgive yourself and others. Forgiveness is an essential healing tool that everyone has the power to do. Forgive others for hurting you, then forgive yourself for hurting yourself as well as for forgiving those who have hurt you. Forgiveness does not excuse the actions, but instead takes back your power from the event or person that caused the hurt.
There is actually a reason for feeling empowered by letting go of your triggers. You are literally taking back control of your own energy. Every time you react to a trigger, you are giving away your power, your life force energy, to react to it. If I had decided to give my friend a knee-jerk reaction to her not liking my blog, I would have exhausted my efforts in trying to defend myself, probably said some things I would regret, burned a bridge or two, and would not have had the energy to continue pumping out blogs every week. Instead, I took a step back, observed the situation, and calmly responded to her comments in a logical way. In doing so, I was able to use her feedback to my advantage, learn from it, forgive her for being blunt, and here I am still pumping out blogs and people are loving them, including my friend. I had a choice to take back my power, and I made it. That is the definition of empowerment.
About Cathy Rose: Cathy is a spiritual blogger who shares her personal experiences, knowledge and training to help others navigate, understand and heal throughout their own spiritual journey.
You can contact Cathy by email at cathyrosehealing@gmail.com or visit her Facebook page www.facebook.com/cathyrosehealing or her website www.cathyrosehealing.wixsite.com/home
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